Now is the midnight of the 30th. Few hours later, there is going to be a strike in Manhattan in New York. Everytime when there's some social movement like this that is indirectly but strongly related to me, I feel conflict and upset because all I can do is hide behind the scene and stay away from the crowd so that I won't risk being recognized by government or accidentally be arrested, like what others have experienced. My foreign status on this land is preventing me to socially engage in some communities, and I hate to realize I've been being as a outsider, and could only be an outsider when there's a need to speak something out. I hate to be transparent, and I hate to mute myself, I hate that I had to protect this unrooted, ungrounded legal thing in order to stay with my people and keep doing art. This is not an artist I wish to become. Is this a privilege of being able to be a I-don't-care person and live a decent life, or is it a curse of not being able to say and act for what I care about and hold the sense of belonging? Creating art is a privilege.

I was asked few questions during an interview and I didn't answer it as I wanted and can't stop thinking of it, so I want to answer it again in my journal and give my self a relief.

How do you see your sound sonically?
I am interested in the subtlety and the textural sound between my skin and the instruments. I found myself fascinated with the in-between sound, where the material becomes more than just the wood, the balloon, but even sounds like a bird, an animal, sounds from a creature's guts and throat, and a scream from the deep sea. Even the metal can translate the shape of my throat and vowel into words from ancient worlds or a witch's hum. Those sounds give me a black box space to imagine the real of matters, the reality behind the limitation of my sensory, the reality beyond what I can see, hear, smell, and touch. I believe a more-than-this world within every matter I've met.

What are other things you don't usually mention but are great inspiration to your work?
I was really into the idea of agential realism and quantum entanglement by Karen Barad, parallel worlds, out-of-body experience, serendipity, and a lot more theory where today's science and technology can not fully explain but can become so alive, tactile, excited, and feel hopeful, yes, I feel hope everytime when talking about these with another who also gets the ideas. Although these are mostly thought experiments, they greatly inspired and led my body to feel and create things that are always creating space for me to imagine living in another parallel reality. Through those weird theories, I create sound and treat my performance setup like a ritual practice for myself to get close to these more-than-this worlds. The key for those doors is through body, movement, and sound.

Today I've been thinking of what is my value of being a sound perfomer. I realized I've been developing my set up from playing digital sensor and computer to using wood and building instrument, from using digital reverb to playing acoustically and spacially, from using microphone for vibration through air to using contact mics for vibration through touching, from sitting on chair and putting geers on table to sitting and lying on the ground and walking down stage, from playing using hands to breathing, touching, and using my feet as the main control, from playing solo to duo and jam with instrumentalists, modular artists, and vocalists. All these practice are unconsciously and gradually lower down my body position and getting closer to the ground, the space, and with my audience and wider range of sound. All these process has been making me more and more invisible and taking me away from the spotlight on the stage. Having a sit, holding a mic, voicing through loudspeakers mean having power that registers my existence in a uncomfortably higher level. I realized my lack of confidence is because this is not the kind of confidence I would like myself to have. It is just not the value my body would react comfortably. The transformation of my sound performance has been making closer to myself instead of more fitting into what has been taken as experimental sound in a dominantly way either throughout the history of computer music or within the crazy medias and internet nowadays. I feel grateful to realized and wrote these ideas down today.

After reading Daniel’s dissertation, I realize instrument making is a way of erasing, gapping, carving, cutting, subtractive ways of thinking. The idea of cutting through the body for air to go through and resonate with both, speaks to my art practice of using breath that resonates with material inside the mouth and throughout the body. It also resonates with how I see myself as an Asian in noise music. I feel like I’m cutting through the land being a foreigner and finding voice and sound and community and medium that vibrate between me and the environment. Cutting the wood is to create the in-between spaces, is to add the possibility of vibration and resonance. Bringing the technology into nature is also to create the in-between spaces, to grow the computer inside soil, and to vibrate the tree and grass and water with electronic sound.

I have been working on solar sounder project since last month. Femi taught me how to do the paper circuit by Peter Blasser. This is the first time that I really feel soldering itself can be an art piece that holds messages and thoughts. It made me start to think of my relatiobship with all these electronics in a different ways. How do they wanna be? What kind of body they like? How much my SELF should be attached on it? And then I made a 2*2 cm mini sculpture out of solder wire cause I got bored.

I was working with Daniel since the past few days, helping with sanding and oiling the dax, in exchange for having my own daxophone. It is also hanging out with Daniel that I know the word "creative capitalism". It's nice that artist found a way to wade and create path through this swamp of capitalism.

today i hang out with friends at ponyhenge. we bring acoustic and batteryed instruments and jam. my arbrasson was broken when we're playing. i'm a lil sad but also happy for it because it died at this adorable place and were surrounded by these people i love so much during sunset. thank you for playing some amazing shows with me. i'm gonna make a new one soon.

Today I worked on my website and figured out how to load the nav bar dynamically. the whole thing is difficult than i thougt but really satisfied after i figured it out.

orea cookie therapy performed at the Lost Bag. me and femi loved our set. its the fresh one for both of us. femi's arbrasson was broken before the show. but we love our set so much.

Non-Event @ First Church in Jamaica Plain, May 16 2025. i have to say i am so lucky that my set at pity polar with femi was seen by Chris, so that i was invited to play a Non-Event series, and got the chance to meet Laura Cocks, who is the most amazing flutist i've ever heard. i can never forget that Laura said to me: we address our breath in different ways...balloon is like a geographical site that you give access to people to witness your struggle and vulnerability....and we both stopped talking because we're gonna cry. it was a beautiful night.

Residual Noise @ RISD SRST, April 5 2025. i played balloon with 29 channels ambisonic deme shpae speaker arrays at RISD's Studio for Research in Sound and Technology. the sound in the space, or the space shaped by the sound is so alive, all of the movement is right here. sometimes you can not ignore the power of good quality technology supported by academia that are sometime not align with the idea of diy community. i think it is nice to be in both group and be in the in-between.

orea cookie therapy performed at pity parlor. This show was the beginning. It was my first duo set with Femi, my first time performing in a noise venue in Boston. That night led to an invitation from Chris Strunk to play a Non-Event show. None of this would have happened without another balloon vibrating beside me, and without a space that brings people together (thank you Janet). Luck can’t explain everything—but I’m so lucky to have them around me. I also started learning to be confident and comfortable in noise and improvisation aer playing with Femi. Just being aware of each gesture and staying in flow with sound is already a kind of miracle.